I remember thinking back in June that the New Year was six months away. Part of me wanted time to fly—but the other half was hesitant for the next six months to pan out. The first half of this year was not easy. In fact, I felt so… not me…and started seeing a counselor. We worked through junk. The junk of (unrealistic) self-imposed expectations and panicked ideas of the future of where my degree would fit, to the exhaustion of depression and the reality of working as an intern at Hospice and losing patients I became friends with.
Perhaps the most unexpected heartache of the first half of 2011 was losing one of my best friends. No—not a physical death but a loss of friendship that resulted in a bitter betrayal that still baffles me. I’ve never known such betrayal and I pray to God that I never have to again. She was like a sister to me and unfortunately, reconciliation was not up to me. Perhaps the sting of betrayal is in the fact that we can’t control the healing process or force the other person to make right. God has been faithful to pour a sweet balm of healing in my heart but in many ways, I’m still licking the wounds of that broken relationship.
Time went on. The counseling sessions continued. I started to dream of possibilities of the future and excitement started to brew. Conversations with my parents, mentors, faithful friends, and an unyielding trust in my God have carried me through the second half of 2011.
Great trips experienced, enjoyable classes taken, new skills gained, new relationships started, counseling sessions ended, and now I am feeling like………. me. 2011 was a long, hard year but sighhhh……….it had an upswing! Next post: 2011 highlights.