Alas

Ok, I’m guilty. I said I would be continuing the blog after an amazing European adventure. Truthfully, I’ve been avoiding this beloved blog like the bubonic plague. I can’t talk about the wind blowing through my hair on a four wheeler up and down the island of Santorini, nor can I remenence about the water canals I floated in the Netherlands and Paris. Nope, those memories are as sweet as a first romance, but the reality is the fact that it is over.

So I’m here. Wake Forest University School of Divinity.DSC07544 I’m in Divinity school? Yep. Getting a Masters degree? Yep. Old Testament, Church History, Women & Preaching, Advanced Greek: The Didache, & Contemporary Judaism. What a rude awakening from from storybook Switzerland and rolling hills of Ireland. (I think of Full House and the middle child Stephanie saying, “How rude!” with her arms crossed and a frown on her face. Oh to be raised in the 80s/90s!) You know that really is a rude awakening? I have an average of 300 pages a night to read. Yes, you read correctly…a night. And I cannot forget to mention the reflection paper due every other day and the additional two/three books for a book report for each class. Then there’s that 20 page research paper coming up. And who could forget exams, midterms, and finals! Christmas break seems so far off…

Ok, I must say, it’s not that bad. The other Divinity students are friendly and in all different walks of life. Most are married, late 20s. Despite our differences, we all have a heart to know more truth. The professors are pretty caring for the students (but I may regret saying that around exam time!) What can I say? It’s a complete adjustment. I live by myself, I pay a mortgage, I go to school full time, and work throughout the day (work study). Does this make me what they call an “adult?” I think this new life is making me one; especially when I stroke out those checks for bills.

DSC09431I miss my friends. Janna, Kristen, Tiff, Rene. (sigh.) Jen, my soul sister. My bungalow traveling buddy, Amy. And of course, Kelsi and Helen…the girls I’ve spent the last three years of my life with, almost everyday, all day for three years. J.Shea, Chris, William, Victor, Myca…I miss being in class with those guys. I could go on naming friends, but I’d just make myself a deep whole of sadness, fall in, and may not be able to get out. My new life here is different. It’s not bad, it’s just different. I had someone facebook message me, “So how are you LOVING NC?!” Taken aback, I responded, “Woe woe woe! LOVE is a strong word. Let’s just say, I’ve interred into a new relationship with NC and this new life and I’m basically dating this new life to see if love could potential grow…”

But that’s how I feel. I’m just still mourning the loss of a wonderful college at Southeastern, with wonderful friends, professors, classes, and gorgeous campus. I’m mourning the end of a 5-week Walkabout through 12 countries in Europe.

I have hope that once the mourning ends, I will be able to dance. I’ll grow to love Wake, my new friends, professors, and becoming an adult. What I already love? Football season is here, signs of fall and its changing leaves are starting to leave clues that it is soon coming, and I am positive pomegranates are coming out soon! PRAISE THE LORD! Speaking of the God, good and faithful. These are my truths. God has been near to be when loneliness strikes, and is teaching me that there truly is a difference between being alone and being lonely. I am reminded of a quote I read in Europe by Alan W. Watts: “To abolish all valleys is to get rid of all mountains.” So this new season of life, I embrace. It’s not easy, and I’m that this adjustment is the hardest I’ve faced in my life. However, I am so grateful for my family and friends who love, support me, and believe in me.

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5 thoughts on “Alas

  1. Wow, so honest and real. Feel your pain Bird as I have found myself in those valleys, but you know our family motto “that is where the fruit grows”!
    When the fruit is ripe, it is sooooo sweet. 🙂

  2. My sister,
    whatever you are facing at this moment, God’s hand is not to short take you away from that. He is able to get you out there. Keep focusing on His mercy, grace and LOVE. as God never gives up on you so don’t give up!

  3. It is amazing to look at this, JUST 2 years ago and read your life now. Do you realise the amazing person you are and all that has been acomplished???

    • Thank you Nicole. Sometimes I forget to look back at old posts and see how far I’ve come along. You’re too sweet.

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